Dynamite Love
by niaht
Summary: ArztAnaLucia. We know, it's crazy, but please look, I promise you'll laugh! Alternating chapters written by Me, even, and Roslyn, odd. HUMOR fic, please don't take too seriously! If you don't like Anabashing, this probably isn't the fic for you.
1. Chapter 1

The Tailies have met the castaways. Shannon has been laid to rest. Sawyer is doing better. Jack and Kate have shared their first, passionate kiss, and their relationship is growing. Soon, another relationship will grow…

Ana Lucia was walking along the beach of her new home. She had been trying to meet the other survivors of Flight 815, to get on their good side. That was just her. Of course she knew Michael, Sawyer, and Jin. And of course she met Sayid. And she definitely couldn't forget Jack. Amazingly, the castaways weren't so open with her (SHOCKING, I know!). She killed one of their own! Ana was becoming very angry and very pissed off (like always). She said she was sorry, and that it was a mistake, but no one believed her. She was becoming an outcast. And she definitely didn't like that. She had now started back to the camp, when she saw, in her opinion, the most gorgeous man she had ever seen! Little did she know that this man was her soul mate. They would one day become known as Mr. and Mrs. KABOOM. This man… was Leslie Arzt.


	2. Chapter 2

Dr Leslie Arzt woke up early and since it was a nice enough day, decided to go for a walk. The beach was almost deserted, as nearly everyone was still in bed. He walked past the various tents and pieces of fuselage down to a more secluded part of the beach. He saw a figure sitting on the beach near the edge of the jungle. A woman, with long, dark, wavy hair, pulled back into a messy ponytail. Thinking it was Kate, and thinking she liked him, Arzt made his way down the beach towards her.

------------------------------------------------------------

Ana-Lucia Cortez was thinking. In her opinion, early morning was the best time to do this. She liked to wake early, always had. Right now she was thinking of so many things, she thought her head would explode from it. She was thinking about Shannon, and how much guilt the accident had placed on herself. She was thinking about the days before meeting up with the fuselage survivors: whether or not she should still be worrying about the Others.

But on top of all this she was thinking about love. Men, love, relationships, everything. There were plenty of men here, and for a while she thought she had had feelings for a couple of them, namely Jack and Sawyer. But even with these men right in front of her, when she saw the strange man the previous day a feeling she hadn't felt for a long time was awoken inside her.

Ana was jolted out of thought by a loud, obnoxious voice caling to her across the beach.

"That's a nice shirt, Kate"

Ana looked up, confused and slightly angered by this intrusion of her privacy.

"Excuse me?" she said.

The man who had talked to her walked closer, stopping just in front of her feet.

"Oh... you're not Kate... I don't recognize you. Have we met?"

Ana shook her head slowly, dreamily gazing up at the man who had spoken, the same man who she had seen yesterday, and the same man who had stolen her heart with one glance.


	3. Chapter 3

Ana, still in shock of this hunk(oh god its funny writing that!), barely heard his question.

"What?"

"Have we met before?"

"No and its a shame, because I just love meeting new people…..", Ana said, trying to flirt.

"So do I. My names Arzt……Leslie Arzt".

He was trying to sound like a smooth James Bond. But he thought he sounded like a retard. But to Ana, he sounded like a king.

"Thats interesting…..Im ana."

"Ana, thats beautiful. A beautiful name for a beautiful lady."

At this point, ana was about to melt. Arzt was trying to sweet talk her, and it seemed like he was doing a good job at it.

"Well, its a beautiful day out. We should spend it together…..Leslie", said Ana, wondering if he was ok with being called that.

"Sure," said Arzt, "why not, **Mrs. Kaboom**…I mean Ana…"

Ana was a little caught off by his remark, but didnt care. She felt as if she was the luckiest girl in the world.

"So, Ana, what do you, or what did you do for a living before all of this?" asked Arzt.

"I was a cop."

"A cop? Wow, I love a woman who can be in control..."

"Oh, I love to be in control" Ana said with a smirk.

Arzt had never been so turned on in his life. Ana was definitely something special.

"So what did you used to do, Leslie." She just loved saying his name.

"I was a teacher."

"Really? So you must be really smart. Especially with science.

Teachers are always smart with science, whether they teach it or not"

"Well, i dont mean to toot my own horn(that was a lie), but i know a little."

"Hmmm, well maybe one night you can teach me a thing or two."

"I just bet I can..." Said Arzt excitedly.


	4. Chapter 4

"So... how exactly do you wanna spend this day together?" Ana asked. Arzt stared at her, a million answers to that question running through his head. None of them seemed sutible though; after all, they had only just met.

"Uh, I dunno, whatever you wanna do, I guess"

Ana nodded and held out her hand. Arzt didn't move, unsure as to what to do. Ana wiggled her hand slightly.

"Well? You gonna help me up?" she said.

Arzt quickly grabbed her hand and pulled her to her feet. Once she was up the stood still for a moment, inches away from each other, Arzt's hand still gripping Ana's.

She realised the awkwardness of the situation first, and quickly stepped away

'So..." she said awkwardly. "We better... uh..."

"Yeah" Arzt replied quickly, acting like nothing had happened. "What are we gonna do?"

"I guess we could go exploring in the jungle..." Ana said. "You could teach me about some of the... wildlife in there" She smiled flirtatiously at him.

Arzt nodded eagerly. "Sure!"

With that they turned and went into the jungle down one of the tracks, the heat of the previous moment all but forgotten.


	5. Chapter 5

Arzt, still smiling like a goon, had no idea what was happening. He just met this girl… queen. Ana was like a queen to him, just as he was like a king to Ana. How can 2 people be so attracted to each other? But why was he getting so ahead of himself? Ana didn't like him. Or did she…?

"Leslie?" Ana asked, worriedly.

"Um…yes?"

"Are you OK? You kinda look out of it for a minute."

"Just deep in thought." He said.

"Whatcha thinkin' bout?"

Oh, how he wanted to say he was thinking about her! He was thinking about everything that had to do with her!

"Just thinking… about, um where we are. This doesn't look familiar."

All of a sudden, it started pouring, and since they had been walking for a while, they were nowhere close to the beach.

"Go in that cave! NOW" Ana said, being her usually bossy self, "it will

keep us dry."

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After being in the cave for a while, Arzt and Ana started talking and getting to know each other some more. The sexual tension was too much to bear. And as if they were both sharing the same brain, they instantly turned to each other. Then they pulled each other into a passionate kiss (EWW!) and felt emotions that neither had ever felt before. Finally they pulled back, shocked from what both thought would take forever to happen.

"Wow…" Arzt said.


	6. Chapter 6

Ana smiled and slipped a hand around Arzt's neck, pulling him into another kiss without hesitation.

But before the kiss could get too far, loud giggling was heard from just outside the cave. Kate and Jack entered, Kate pulling Jack along by the hand.

She stopped suddenly when she saw Arzt and Ana hooking up like crazy, and Jack almost walked into the back of her.

"Kate, what -

Jack stopped when he saw the couple in the caves. He gasped and quickly covered Kate's eyes with his hand. She burst into tears, disgusted by what she saw.

Arzt and Ana pulled apart when they heard Kate and Jack come in. Ana stood up suddenly.

"Jack! What - what are you doing here? We were just -

"Uh, uh, uh, Ana, don't try make excuses" Jack chopped her, pulling Kate closer to his chest. "We _know_ what we saw."

Ana looked down chopedly. "Oh." she said.

Jack shook his head in disgust and turned away, comforting Kate. Ana was getting angry about being chopped so much.

"Jack, why is it disgusting? You and Kate are _always_ kissing, and do _I_ complain? No -

"But me and Kate look _HOT_ when we kiss! You and Arzt just look... terrifying!"

Kate let out a small scream, obviously remembering the previous moment. Jack glared at Arzt and Ana.

"Look what you've done to Kate!" he yelled. "It's okay, Kate, baby, it's okay... don't be scared, they've stopped." he said in a soft tone before turning back to yell and Ana and Arzt. "You've scarred her for life!"

Kate lifted her head up and glanced at Ana and Arzt, then back to Jack.

"Can we just go now, Jack?" she said. Jack nodded and they left the caves quickly.

Ana turned back to Arzt and sighed.

"Well, that didn't go well" she said.

"It doesn't matter" Arzt said reassuringly. "We have each other."

Ana smiled hideously. "Always."

There was a moment of silence. Ana stared at Arzt, admiring his stunning beauty (GAG!). Suddenly a wave of passion flowed over her and she ran up to Arzt, jumping on him and kissing him hard.

She just couldn't resist.


	7. Chapter 7

Arzt couldn't resist either. Just thinking of her embrace sent shivers up his spine. Ana giggled.

"What? Why are you laughing?" Arzt said

"Why do you think I am… are you fantasizing about me?"

"Yes. You're just that beautiful to me."

"I just can't take it anymore. I gotta have you. I need to have you. I have to have you."

Arzt was about to **explode** with passion. Pulling Ana into a much needed kiss, they both fell to ground (EWW! vomits), forgetting about the little run in with Jack and Kate.

---------------

Meanwhile, at the beach, Kate was still terrified from their encounter with Ana and Arzt. Jack was trying to console her, but it was really hard, seeing as they were both permanently damaged. He kept trying regardless.

"Kate, sweetie, its ok." Jack said.

"I just don't understand it. And how could they compare **US** to **them?" **Kate cried with disgust.

"I don't know. I just don't know. But everyone here knows that we look so damn sexy when we're together." Jack smirked

"You got that right." Kate laughed

Just then, Arzt and Ana walked into camp, hand in hand, looking all love-struck. Jack couldn't help but giggle, and Kate couldn't help but scream in terror again, while all the other castaways were in disgust.

Sawyer was the first to yell out, "WTF is going on here!" and began to shield his eyes along with the others.


	8. Chapter 8

Jack stepped forward, because he was the leader and everyone always listened to him.

"Ana," he said. "And Arzt," he paused dramatically. "Are _together_."

There were gasps of astonishment and terror, and a random girl fainted with a weak scream. Ana rolled her eyes.

"Oh, come _on_, there are heaps of couples on the island, why are you all shocked?"

Kate glared at her through tears.

"Duh! We've explained this already! If you look at all the other couples, you'll notice they look hot together. All of them, but you!"

A murmur of agreement went through the crowd, and people pulled their partners closer, proving Kate's point.

Ana let go of Arzt's hand and walked up to Kate.

"Shut up. You think you can just tell us what we can and can't do. You think that you're better than me just because you have a super-sexy boyfriend. Well let me tell you, Jack doesn't -

"Don't talk about Jack, btch! You don't know him!"

"I know him better than you think, girly. I bet he never told you about our little... meeting before the flight, huh?" (Of course Ana is gonna exaggerate everything about that dumb drink at the airport)

Kate stood in shock for a second. Ana grinned.

"Didn't think so. I'm glad I at least have _trust_ in my relationship" she said smugly, turning to walk away, but was stopped by Kate's fist flying out and hitting her hard in the jaw. She looked up to see Kate's eyes shining with rage.

"Shut up, btch. Don't ever talk about Jack, or me, ever again."

The crowd cheered, of course they were on Kate's side. Kate turned away, back to Jack. Ana stood up, raising a hand to her jaw gingerly.

"You remember, don't you Jack?" she said loudly. Kate stopped and turned back to look at her in disgust.

"Tequila and tonics... that stuff's pretty strong, huh? But then again, you probably can't remember much after that, seeing as when we -

"Shut up!" Kate screamed, running at Ana and knocking her to the ground. She punched her in the face, then Ana pushed her off and rolled over then punched her. Kate kicked her in the stomach, then jumped on her again. Jack and a couple of other people ran forward to separate them. Jack and Sayid grabbed Kate's arms and pulled her off Ana. Arzt finally came and helped Ana up. She smirked at Kate, as if she had won or something. Kate glared at her.

"Let me go." she told Jack and Sayid.

"No, Kate." Jack said. Kate struggled against their hold, watching Ana retreat down the beach, Arzt's arm around her shoulders.

"I wanna kill her." Kate murmured. "Did you hear her talking about you? How dare she make up lies like that!"

"Uh, Kate... she, um, she wasn't really lying"

Sayid had disappeared, sensing they needed to be alone.

"What?"

"In the airport... we did have a drink together" Kate stared at him, then turned away in disgust. "No, but that was all! I swear, Kate, I don't know what she was on about, nothing else happened!" Jack said quickly. "How could it, Kate?" Have you seen her? She's so... manly..."

Kate suppressed a laugh.

"Okay" she said and turned back to him. "I believe you. I... I trust you"

Jack smiled. "I trust you too, Kate." he pulled her close into a hug. "Now, how about we forget about those two, and think about us?"

Kate smiled. "I'd like that" she said and her and Jack linked hands and slowly walked down the beach towards the sunset, away from Arzt and Ana.


	9. Chapter 9

Ana stood there, pissed off of course.

"How can that btch just walk away like that? What an idiot, Jack too!"

"Listen, you she-male (lmfao!), we were perfectly fine without you, and we would be absolutely fine without Leslie over there!" Sawyer shouted.

The whole crowd started laughing when Sawyer said _Leslie_.

Arzt couldn't take it anymore.

"Listen", Arzt yelled, "Just because I'm not part of the 'cool group', doesn't give you the right to make fun of me! If there's one thing my baby has taught me is to stick up for yourself. So stop it!"

Everyone looked at him like he was some kind of nutcase.

Ana whispered something in Arzt's ear. Next thing everyone knew, the two were kissing.

"Ew! Gross! DISGUSTING!" were just some of the things the terrified crowd was yelling.

"Well get used to it MOFO's. We love each other, and nothing else matters!" Said Ana

The two stormed off into the jungle together. They eventually came to their special love cave.

"Just where I needed to be." Arzt said

"Me too," said Ana. "No one can judge us here. It's just me and you, baby."

"No one else."

"No one else," Ana winked.

Arzt got the message and next thing they knew, they were enveloped in each other's arms.

Just then, the monster appeared.

"Aw, damn it!" yelled Ana


	10. Chapter 10

Ana walked angrily out of the love cave.

"Look, Mr Monster, you're kinda _interrupting_ something here, and I would appreciate it if you just - " she started yelling at the monster but was cut off by it throwing her across the jungle.

Arzt screamed and the monster just walked off, not impressed by either of them.

Arzt ran through the jungle, looking for Ana. He yelled her name (as if she would answer; I mean, the monster _did_ just chuck her across the jungle. rolls eyes Stupid Arzt.) at the top of his lungs. He ran for about 3 minutes, then stopped for a break, then kept running (not as fast this time though, obviously.) He was just about to stop for another break when he saw a flash of red out of the corner of his eye.

Arzt skidded to a halt and turned to investigate. He pushed a branch out of the way to find a blood-covered Ana lying awkwardly on the ground. He gasped and ran over to her side.

Her right arm was bent horribly out of shape and her eyes were closed.

Tears rushed to Arzt's eyes as he dropped to his knees next to Ana's mangled form.

"Oh god... Ana, Ana, can you hear me? Answer me, baby, come on... please..." He said worriedly, his voice straining against sobs. Ana didn't move. "Ana! Please, Ana, come on..." Arzt said more desperately, not wanting to imagine a life without Ana-Lucia. He fumbled for her left wrist a pressed his thumb to it.

There was a pulse. Faint, but it was definitely there. He let out a tiny breath of relief, though they weren't away from danger yet.

He leaned over Ana's motionless face and brushed a stray piece of hair out of her eyes.

"Ana? Listen to me. You are going to be okay. I'm gonna get you back to camp, and..." he almost said Jack, but didn't think Ana would be pleased to hear the doctor's name. "...I'm gonna help you get better, okay? You're gonna be fine."

He crouched down, then slipped his arms under Ana's limp form. Slowly Arzt lifted her from the ground then kissed her softly on the forehead.

"You're gonna be okay."

-------------------

It seemed to take much longer to get back to camp than it did coming out. Maybe it was the weight of Ana in his arms slowing him down, or maybe the fear in his mind was clouding his sense of time. Either way, when he finally got to the beach he was exhausted, physically and emotionally. Arzt stumbled to his tent as quickly as possible, avoiding the stares and gasps of the other survivors. He placed Ana gently on his 'bed' and turned around to see the small crowd forming outside.

"Jack!" he yelled immediately. There was no answer. "Where's Jack!" Everyone looked at each other. Arzt came out of the tent, looking around frantically. "Where -

"Uh, I think he left a little while ago... with Kate. Down that way." Hurley said, pointing vaguely down the beach.

"Well go get him!" Arzt screamed. Hurley looked surprised.

"Dude, I'm not the fastest... why don't _you_ go get him?"

Arzt looked at him coldly. "I'm not leaving Ana. Now someone better friggin go..."

A couple of random guys quickly started running down the beach, not wanting to see Arzt worked up.

Arzt stared after them for a second, then ducked back into the tent. He knelt down at Ana's side and scanned her body quickly. Her clothes were ripped beyond repair, and there were countless wounds all over her. Her chest rose and fell excruciatingly slowly, but each time it did Arzt felt a small glimmer of hope. She would be okay. She had to be.

He stared at her almost motionless body sadly, wishing she would just sit up, or say something, _do_ something. Where the hell was Jack? Didn't he realise that Ana was...

She wasn't dying. She wasn't. She was just hurt. Very... very badly. And she would get better.

Arzt kept saying this to himself, like a mantra of hope, telling himself that Ana was the strongest woman he had ever known, and she would get through this.

And if she didn't, neither would he.


	11. Chapter 11

When they finally found Jack, they found him and Kate kissing (YAY!).

"Um, Jack... we kinda got a situation at the beach." One said.

"Well, can't someone else deal with it? We're busy if you can't tell."

"Its Ana. She's hurt."

"So... you think I want to help her, after she tried to beat Kate, and lie about me!"

"Jack, honey." Kate said, "Just go. We can get back to us later."

"Okay, if you say so Kate, I'll do it. But not for her, for you. Lets go"

----------------------------

"Okay, what happened to her, Arzt?" Jack said.

"What the hell do you think happened, Doc?"

"I don't know, that's why I'm asking, _LESLIE_!"

"Now, you wait a minute, Jack!"

"No! You wait a minute! I don't even want to be here!" Jack screamed, "The only reason I'm here is cause Kate told me I should come and take care of business!"

"Then why aren't you?"

Jack looked at Arzt, then at Ana. He finally decided he was the doctor, and whether or not he liked it, he had to try and save Ana. But there was no time, because the monster started roaring, and was headed towards the beach.

"Oh, god! Not again!" Arzt yelled.


	12. Chapter 12

"Again? What do you mean? Wait... _the monster_ did this?" Jack asked. Arzt looked at him, exasperated.

"Well, _yeah_! What did you think?" he said duh-ly. Jack didn't know what he thought, so he didn't answer.

Just then Ana gasped, suddenly regaining partial consciousness. Jack turned to her quickly and Arzt came over, as if he could help.

"Jack? What's happening? Is she okay? What's going on? Will she -

"Look, just shut up, and let me help her, okay? I can't do anything with you asking questions all the time." Jack said, getting frustrated with Arzt.

"Jack... it's coming closer" Kate's worried voice came from the entrance of the tent. They could all still hear the monster, and the eerie noises coming closer with every moment.

"Yeah, I know -

"Jack, what are we going to do -

Sayid, entering the tent, immediately asking Jack's advice, as was everyone else. Everyone needed their leader, but at the moment he wasn't sure what to do.

Ana needed urgent help now she was half awake, as the pain from her injuries could put her in shock, which wasn't good. Then the safety of all the castaways was at risk, with the approach of the monster.

And everyone was being annoying, so that wasn't helping him think.

"Okay, now, we're not gonna panic." Jack said over the noise of the monster, his eyes still on Ana. "Sayid, start getting everyone to move further down the beach. Don't worry about belongings, just get the people to safety -

And, just as abruptly as the roars had started, they stopped. Just like that. Everyone was silent, staring expectantly at the jungle. The only sound was Ana's ragged breaths and coughs.

Jack decided to concentrate on one thing at a time, so he focused on Ana. He quickly scanned the injuries all over her body.

Jack broke the tense silence. "Kate, can you please go to the caves and get as many of my medical supplies as you can carry, then go to Sawyer and ask him for his alcohol? Sayid, I need you to find Sun and tell her I need her help, okay? Arzt, go and find some kind of cold compress to put on her head. "

"I'm not leaving -

"Do you want her to get better or not?"

Arzt took one last look at Ana, then ran out of the tent. He stole a couple of socks off Rose's washing line, then grabbed a bottle of water from Jack's tent.

He ran back to his tent as quickly as he could, not wanting to leave Ana for too long. When he finally (he's not a very fast runner) got there, Jack and Sun were the only ones in there. They were talking very fast about stuff Arzt didn't understand, and probably shouldn't get involved in, but he did anyway.

"What's going on? Is she -

"Her right arm is broken, but not too badly. I checked for any other internal injuries, but couldn't find any. Most of the cuts are minor, except this one on her abdomen. It's going to need stitches, but I think there's something stuck in there, or it would be bleeding a lot more. I need to clean the wound, then get whatever it is out, then stitch it up. I just hope she doesn't wake up while I'm doing this..."

Arzt realised Ana was no longer conscious. She was still breathing though, and he prayed she would stay that way.

"What'll happen if she wakes up?" he asked.

"Hopefully, nothing... but it's possible she'll go into shock from the pain..."

"What! But... what if..."

"Arzt, I don't think that'll happen. But I have no way to say for sure... just... hope for the best, alright?"

"Hope for the best! What the hell's that supposed to do to help -

"Arzt, just face the truth, okay? _You_ can't do anything right now, except let me fix her. If you can't sit there and shut up, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave." Jack said to him firmly. Arzt opened his mouth, but thought better of it. Sun took the compress from his hands and placed it gently on Ana's forehead. Kate came rushing into the tent and handed Jack a backpack.

"I got it all, but Sawyer didn't have very much... only about 5 bottles." She said, panting slightly. Arzt was touched, and kinda surprised, as it seemed Kate had run to help Ana. Maybe her and Jack weren't as annoying as he had thought.

"Thanks, honey." Jack said, smiling at Kate. She smiled back, and they shared a cute little jate moment. Sun sighed, thinking how sweet they were together. Arzt rolled his eyes, regretting his previous thoughts.

"Look, this is sweet and all," Arzt said sarcastically. "But Ana is kinda HURT here, and I think you should be helping her, instead of verbally copulating."

They all looked at him coldly.

"Um, this is JATE. That's what they DO." Sun told him. "Get used to it, Leslie."

"Thanks, Sun." Jack said. "Okay, well, I better get started..." he sighed. "Kate, you don't have to stay, I know how Ana's face hurts your eyes. Maybe you could finish moving your stuff into my tent..." he grinned. Kate smiled and kissed him on the cheek.

"Thanks, Jack, I'll do that." She walked out of the tent, and Jack followed her with his eyes, totally transfixed.

"HELLO? Get back to Ana, already!" Arzt yelled. Jack snapped out of his trance and he glared at Arzt, but didn't say anything. He turned to Sun, and started asking her to find some kind of painkiller.

Arzt sat down next to Ana and held onto her left hand. He stared at her face and raised her fingers up to his lips, kissing them softly. On Ana's other side, Jack busied himself with her other arm, getting ready to set it. Ana's eyes flickered, and she mumbled something unintelligible, but didn't wake. Arzt reached up with his free hand and brushed some hair away from her eyes, his fingers lingering on her cheek. Even like this she still looked strong, tough, and stubborn. He smiled slightly, knowing that Ana would get through this, and when she did he would be here to help her through rehab.


	13. Chapter 13

_After a couple of hours, Jack had done the best he could to fix Ana, but "unfortunately" she was hurt too bad and didn't make it. _

_"How could Jack do this to me!" Arzt wondered, "I bet he did it on purpose. He's just jealous because Ana was mine and not his! I'm gonna kill him!" _

_Of course Arzt was delirious. Of course Jack didn't want Ana, but losing your lover makes you delirious._

_"Oh, it doesn't matter. Without Ana, nothing's worth living for. "IM COMIN BABY! WE WILL ALWAYS BE TOGETHER!" He lit the fuse on the stick of dynamite, and with that kaboom! Arzt was gone. The island won. It took both Ana and Arzt._

HA HA! GOT YOU... NOT OVER YET!

Arzt woke up in a cold sweat, breathing heavily. He looked over and saw Ana sleeping quietly. It was all just a dream. She's all better now, Jack fixed her. How could he possibly think of something so horrible?

Ana heard his breathing and tried to sit up, but it was too painful.

"Oh, dammit!" She forgot that Jack had to "operate" on her stomach to get the sharp rock out of her.

"Hey, babe. What's wrong?" she asked.

"Oh, Ana... I had a horrible dream. I thought you were gone. I thought you... you... died!" Arzt started crying uncontrollably, like a baby.

"OH ANA! I THOUGHT YOU HAD DIED!" he wailed.

"SHUT THE UP, LESLIE! PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP!" Sawyer yelled from his tent.

"Go to hell! We're sharing our Arzna moment!" Arzt and Ana yelled.

"Hmm, Arzna...Not as catchy as Jate." someone yelled.

"Ana, I just wanted to tell you... I love you. And if you ever left me, I don't know what I would do without you. " Arzt said

"I feel the same way. I love you, too."

And with that, Arzt bent down to kiss her, and lay down next to her. Everyone else was pissed at them for interrupting their sleep. But, besides that, everything was just perfect... for now.


	14. Chapter 14

By the next week, Ana was up and walking around. Arzt thought she should rest for a little longer, and everyone else just thought she was freakin' lazy for not getting up earlier. I mean, when Jack dislocated his shoulder in the cave in, he was up like, straight away. But hey, Ana sucks, so what do you expect?

Arzt had moved all of Ana's stuff into his tent, mostly so he didn't have to keep going all the way over to her tent to get her stuff while she was out of commission.

To most people on the island, today was just like any other day. But Arzt knew better. He woke up early, and while Ana was still asleep, he snuck out of the tent. He tiptoed around the beach, stealing random stuff from random people. He went to the caves and continued stealing stuff. Then he walked back to the beach and mysteriously disappeared from the main camp area.

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Ana woke up and immediately reached over for Arzt. She sat up suddenly when her fingers touched nothing but the thin airline blanket they slept under. She looked around the tent, just in case he was hiding under some piece of fish or something. Come on, where the hell else is he gonna be?

She pushed herself up and, after thoroughly checking the tiny tent for him, ducked out from under the tarp.

Ana walked slowly into the middle of the camp, looking for her beloved Arzt the entire time. Most people were still asleep, but that didn't stop her from yelling at the top of her voice.

"LESLIE?" she screamed as loud as she could. "WHERE ARE YOU?"

She listened carefully for his reply, but all she heard were the groans of the newly awoken castaways.

"LESLIE?" she yelled again, getting a bit worried. He never left her like this... ever.

"Shut up, Ana." Jack moaned from his and Kate's tent.

Ana ignored him. "LEEESS--LIIEEE!"

"What the bloody hell is going on?" Charlie said, emerging from his tent grumpily.

"It looks like Arzt has finally come to his senses and run away," Sawyer said, also entering the scene. "I wonder why..." he looked pointedly at Ana.

"Shut up, Extra-chromosome-special Father of forty dogs." She said to him. He stared at her as if she was from a different planet, while we have no proof to say she isn't.

"Whatever... "Sawyer muttered and lit another cigarette.

Half the camp had come out to see what all the commotion was about, crowding around Ana expectantly.

"Where's my Leslie?" Ana demanded.

"_That's_ all you're yelling about? Crap, I'm going back to bed!" Hurley said, turning back to his tent, shaking his head.

"Has anyone seen him?" Ana said again. She said it boldly and quite calmly, but inside she was panicking beyond belief.

"Unfortunately, yes." Sayid spoke up. "I saw him earlier this morning." A nearby random patted him sympathetically on the back.

Ana hurried up to Sayid. "Where is he? Where did you see him? What was he doing?"

'Calm down, Ana. I don't know where he is now, but this morning he snuck into my tent and tried to thief off with Shannon's perfume!" Sayid told her.

"Wait, what the hell were you doing with Shannon's perfume?" Boone asked him.

"Um, nothing, I just... she... uh... I have to go now." Sayid replied and quickly left.

Ana scowled for no real reason, just 'cause... that's what she does. She turned briskly away from the sleepy crowd and walked around the camp, searching for her soul mate.

------------

Ana did that for the rest of the day, and Arzt was nowhere to be found. By dinnertime she was sitting on the shore, rocking back and forth. Claire walked past with Aaron in her arms, and almost stopped to say something to her, but heard Ana muttering something about _Arzna_, _perfume_, and _Extra-chromosome-special Father of forty dogs_, so she decided to keep walking... a little faster.

Ana was totally lost in her own mental breakdown world, and nearly jumped a mile when a hand touched her shoulder gently.

"Woah, Ana, you okay?"

Ana spun around at the sound of his voice, her face lighting up at the sight of him. She jumped up and practically fell into his arms, hugging him as tight as she could.

"Oh my god, Leslie, where the hell have you been? I was so freakin' worried!" she mumbled into his shoulder, tears starting to form in her eyes.

"Oh, baby... look, I'm really sorry, I should have said something, but I wanted it to be a surprise!" Arzt said, stroking her hair gently. She raised her head up and looked at him, puzzled.

"What?"

He grinned slyly. "Don't tell me you don't know what today is!"

"No..."

"Well... come with me."

Arzt grabbed her hand and began to walk her down to the deserted part of the beach. Just past a small clump of bushes he stopped. Ana looked at him questioningly, then noticed why he had stopped.

In front of them a small tarp had been set up, protecting a blanket on the ground from the wind. On the blanket were two pillows, a blanket, and a variety of fruits and fish on a small plate-like thing. There were two torches set up at the side, giving out a pathetic amount of light.

Ana stared at it, speechless. She wandered forward and then looked back at Arzt, who was still standing with a satisfied look on his face.

"Do you like it?' he asked.

"Leslie... I... I love it! But... why did you do this?"

"I can't believe you don't know what day it is." He said, shaking his head. He walked closer, grabbing Ana around the waist and pulling her down to sit on the blanket with him.

"Today," he continued. "Is August 8th."

Ana stared at him. "And?"

"Also known as..." Arzt tried to drag it out dramatically. Yeah, whatever, nice try. "The Official Arzna Appreciation Day."

Ana still started at him for a sec, then she realised what he was talking about, and gasped.

"Really? I totally forgot!" she said.

"Uh-huh, and that is what this is for." He gestured around at the sheltery thing. Why they couldn't just stay at their normal one, I don't know.

Arzt reached behind him and pulled out two small bottles of alcohol. He held them up to Ana and she smiled. He handed her one.

"Stole them off Sawyer." He said proudly before opening the bottle and slowly taking a sip. Ana did the same, then held out her bottle.

"To Arzna?"

Arzt grinned. "To Arzna."

He knocked his bottle against hers and they both took another drink.

It was going to be a very long night.


	15. Chapter 15

So after finishing those bottles, they decided to drink some more.

"Got anymore, babe?" Ana asked desperately.

"Sure do!" Arzt yelled. He grabbed two more and started drinking again. But unfortunately, he couldn't hold down his liquor, cause he's not as manly as his sweetie-pie.

"Wow, this is good!" Ana said. But next thing she knew, Arzt had up-chucked all over the place.

"OMG SWEETIE! Are you okay?" she asked.

Being drunk and not having half the sense of usual (which isn't much! ) he yelled "Do you really think I'm okay, you ?"

"Excuse me? I don't know if you forgot, but you're talking to Ms. Ana-Lucia Cortez! YOU BETTA RECOGNIZE!" she screamed, slurring her words.

"How could I forget! You don't forget a murderer to easily!" he yelled, still feeling out of it.

"You know what? I thought you were different! I thought you saw the REAL me, not the FAKE me (like there's a difference). And if you can't see that, maybe you are wrong for me!"

Ana ran off crying. How could her so called true love do this to her?

Arzt was shocked. He didn't realize what he had said was so hurtful.

"Ana! Come back, snookie! I'M SORRY!" He started crying too.

"Save it! I don't care!"

Arzt sat there, completely destroyed.


	16. Chapter 16

The sight of Ana Lucia Cortez is just about equally horrific as that of Dr. Leslie Arzt. The sight of Ana Lucia Cortez, drunk and crying, is a sight most people would rather die than see. It is about 108 times worse than her when she is sober and happy, and 4815162342 times worse than the sight of an Arzna kiss.

So when she came running through the main camp in this state, just as people were heading off to bed after a long, tiring day, you can imagine the reaction.

Charlie ran off to find a gun, believing it to be Zombie Ethan, back from the dead to steal Claire. Kate gasped and covered her face with her hand, then burst into tears. Locke squinted the wrong way down the beach, his elderly eyes not being sharp enough to see in the dark. He was the luckiest there that night...

The whole camp was in chaos, but Ana ran straight through, oblivious to the island around her. She ran down to an empty part of the beach and collapsed on the sand.

As soon as she was gone, the castaways were back to normal. Charlie put the gun in the back of his pants, Kate wiped away her tears, and Locke just sat calmly, saying to himself that if anything were attacking the other survivors, the island would save him.

But before anyone could make it back to their shelters (except the random girl with really long blonde hair. Damn her!), another monstrosity graced their sights.

"ANA! COME BACK, TOOTSIE-PIE!" It screamed.

Now everyone was scared _and_ confused. That thing back there was ANA?

Arzt ran, stopped for a rest, then ran again, after his one and only. When he saw a drunken lump lying on the ground ahead of him, whimpering pathetically, he guessed it must be her.

He walked cautiously toward her, as he had heard certain people could **explode** without warning. He crouched down beside her.

"Ana?" he said softly. "Honey? Look, I'm really sorry... it was a mistake; I didn't mean any of that. You know that, right? Please forgive me."

Ana looked up at him, betrayed.

"Forgive you? How the hell could I do that, after what you said -

"I said I didn't mean it, Ana!"

"Yeah, well, I did. I did think you were different. I thought you were different to all the other men in my life... I thought... I thought you loved me. And I thought I loved you." Ana's voice strained against sobs. "But I was wrong. Just like I was wrong about every other fckin' thing in my life." Her body shuddered from tears of anger and sadness. She stood up and brushed her tears away fiercely. Arzt sat on the ground, gazing up at Ana.

Ana gave him a cold look and ran back down to the camp, slipping into her tent before anyone could see her. Arzt fell back on the sand, his whole world crumbling in a matter of seconds.

He could of gone after her, but her didn't. He could be lying with her on their first ever Arzna day together, but he wasn't. And it was all his fault.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next day, Ana got up as normal. She had decided that Arzt was definitely no different from all the other men she had dated. And been betrayed by. But nowadays she didn't give those men a second thought, and Arzt was going to be the same. She wasn't going to let him get to her. So she got up, got dressed, brushed her hair, and grabbed some breakfast. She went about the day just like any other, ignoring Arzt if she ever saw him. She could live without him. There was just one tiny problem, something that made him different to all the others.

She was still in love with him.


	17. Chapter 17

She was still in love with him. But how? Why? After he broke her heart. Then jumped on it. Then buried it, dug it up and made it **explode **with a stick of dynamite She couldn't take it anymore. She needed him. She wanted him. But she couldn't go back defeated. Not Ana-Lucia Cortez. She started crying and talking to herself.

"WHY! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO HURT ME, LESLIE? WHY!"

"I CANT LIVE MY LIFE WITHOUT YOU!"

Then she started screaming, cause she's that big of a nutcase. She was screaming and kicking at the trees. She was screaming so loud that the survivors thought it was the monster again.

"What the bloody hell was that?" Charlie asked.

"I don't know. It kinda sounded like the monster." Claire said.

"No way. That sounds way more deadly than the monster." Kate said. "I'm gonna go check it out." She grabbed a gun and ran into the jungle, towards the "monster."

--------------------------

Meanwhile, Ana had broken into a tune. Not only did she murder Shannon, now she was murdering a song.

"Did you ever know that you're my _HERRRRRROOOOOOOO_?"

Kate stopped. She was closer. She twisted and turned and finally found Ana killing the song, and now Kate's ears.

"OOOHHHHH! You're my hero! You're my hero! Ya know you are! Ya know you ARRREEEEEEEEEE!"

Kate couldn't take it anymore.

"WTF are you doing, Ana?"

She quickly turned around, seeing Kate staring at her.

"Why are you spying on me, btch?"

"Hey, I just came to see what the hell was this horrible noise."

"Oh shut up! My voice is wonderful!"

"HAHA! You have got to be kidding! You think you're so great? Lets see what the others have to say."

Kate ran off, giggling like a little girl.

"Hey everyone! Want to know what that noise was? It was Ana, SINGING!"

The whole crowd started laughing immediately! They couldn't help it. I mean, would you have been able to hold it in? I DONT THINK SO!

"SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU!" Ana screamed.

No one stopped, until...

"EVERYONE KNOCK IT OFF!" Everyone stopped laughing enough to see Arzt getting ready to give a speech.

"You may not like Ana... you may hate her! But she does not deserve to be treated like this. She's my perfect little gumdrop! And I can only hope that she will forgive me for hurting her."

They locked eyes, and ran towards each other, in slow-mo. Well at least Arzt was, cause he's not as fast as Ana. They fell into each other's arms, passionately kissing!

"I LOVE YOU!" Arzt yelled

"I LOVE YOU, TOO!" Ana yelled. "LETS NEVER FIGHT AGAIN!"

"NEVER! And for the recored, I heard you. You sing like an angel!"

The whole crowd started choking on laughter, thinking about Ana's voice.

But they ignored it, cause all that mattered was them!


	18. Chapter 18

When Ana and Arzt had finally stopped kissing, he whispered softly in her ear, "You know, we never really got around to properly celebrating Arzna Appreciation Day…"

Ana smiled, but totally missed what Arzt was trying to say. "Yeah, I know. Lets have a party!"

Arzt looked disappointed. "Well, we could… I mean…"

"Great!" Ana said, ignoring him. "Hey everyone!" she yelled to the rest of the castaways. "We're gonna have a party! And you're ALL invited! Except Walt."

Walt glared at her. "What? I might not be as cool as some people here, but I'm definitely cooler than _you_. Why can't I come?"

"Sorry, you're too young. Go to bed." Ana said and Walt walked off, grumbling to himself that it was only 5pm, and Ana couldn't tell him what to do.

"Yay! Let's get this party started!" Ana yelled, and the music started.

"Hold on a second!" Jack said, and the music stopped. "What makes you think _we_ want to come to _your_ party? Why are you even having a party?"

"Well, yesterday was Arzna Appreciation Day, and we… uh… we didn't really get around to properly celebrating." Arzt told them.

Kate smirked. "Arzna Appreciation Day? Dumb."

The other castaways agreed, and started to walk away. Ana scowled.

"Fine. We'll just have a party by ourselves, won't we, honeybunch?"

"Sure! I'd rather party with you than anyone else." Arzt said. They started dancing in the middle of the beach. The few people that were still around started laughing their heads off. Ana stopped dancing.

"Wait… we don't have any music." She said, as if she had only just realised.

"Oh yeah! Well, I guess we'll just have to make our own kind of music." Arzt said, winking at Ana. She grinned.

"Yeah… sing our own special song!"

So they started singing.

"You're BEAUTIFUL! You're BEAUTIFUL!" Ana screamed, and Arzt joined in.

"You're BEAUTIFUL, it's true!"

As they sang, the other people on the island came back so they could laugh at them. Everyone, from Sawyer to Claire to Sayid to Walt (who had got out of bed) came and pointed and laughed. But Ana and Arzt didn't notice, for they only had eyes for each other.

"THERE MUST BE AN ANGEL, WITH A SMILE ON HER FACE, WHEN SHE THOUGHT THAT I SHOULD BE WITH YOU!"

Half the people in the gathering crowd fell over from laughing so hard. Well, you would too…

"This… this is the b - b - best party… EVER!" Jack choked between laughs. Everyone agreed, because you have to agree with Jack, because he's in charge. rolls eyes

So everyone came to the party, but the only people doing something close to dancing were Ana and Arzt, as the rest of them were on the ground most of the time. This was because once the happy couple started singing, they didn't seem to be able to stop…

"YOU'RE THE ONE THAT I WANT!"

"Ooo-OoO-ooO!"

"YOU'RE THE ONE THAT I WANT!"

"Ooo-OoO-ooO!"

"YOU'RE THE ONE THAT I NEED… OH YES INDEED!"


	19. Chapter 19

"Yeah, yeah, baby... you make me feel all fuzzy INSIDE!" Ana screeched, continuing the song.

"Baby, when I'm with you, ya know I won't hide...!"

The crowd was laughing so hard, and they couldn't take it anymore. They had to get them to stop, because it was definitely hilarious, but was becoming unbearable.

"Okay, enough," Jack said, all authoritative (that's a word, right?) "We can't take it anymore."

"Yes, please. I don't want my child being exposed to such random ugliness." Claire said.

"Wait a minute, chica. A song can't be ugly, you dumbass!" Ana scoffed.

Of course, her puppet...I mean, Arzt, had to agree.

"Yeah, listen to my snookums. A song can't be ugly. I bet even one of my high school students would know that."

"Well, a song can definitely be ugly after being sung by you two." Claire said, and the whole group Ooh'ed at her comeback. Someone even yelled out "You just got served!"

Claire giggled, and went to take her baby away from the gruesome twosome.

Arzt just stood there. How can they be so mean to his baby, especially Claire? He always thought she was quiet, which she is, but she had to tell it like it was. But Arzt wouldn't stand for this. He made a vow to get her back.


	20. Chapter 20

The next day was cold and rainy. Most people stayed in their shelters or at the caves. Arzt and Ana stayed in bed, just talking. Arzt was so mesmerized by Ana's beautiful voice that he almost forgot about his revenge on Claire, until he heard some girls gossiping in one of the tents next to them.

"Omgosh, last night was so awesome!"

"I know, Claire was too cool… someone needed to chop those two freakazoids, and she did it so well!"

"But did you see the look on _Leslie's_…" They both cracked up laughing for a moment. "…the look on his face? That was kinda… scarier than usual."

They started laughing again, but Arzt had tuned out. He wasn't even listening to Ana anymore. He slowly sat up, and Ana stopped talking.

"Leslie? Leslie? What are you doing?" She put a hand on his arm, but he ignored her. "LESLIE! LISTEN TO ME!" she ordered. He turned and looked at her.

"Sorry, baby. I'll be back in a sec, okay?"

Ana frowned. "Where are you going? It's raining."

Arzt rolled his eyes. "I _know_ that. I'll be right back, just stay here, alright?"

Ana sat back and watched him walk out of the tent, into the rain.

------------------

"AARON!"

Ana jerked awake and sat up. She rubbed her eyes, wondering how long she had been asleep for. Ana looked out the door of the tent.

The camp was in chaos. It was still raining, but not as hard. A lot of people were yelling, and Claire was standing in the middle of the camp, screaming her head off. Sun was trying in vain to console her.

Ana got up and went out of the tent and up to some random.

"Random! What the hell is going on?"

The random stared at her, almost in shock that he had actually been spoken to.

"Um… I think… Claire… well… I don't really know…" he said vaguely. Ana stared at him.

"Well thanks, you were so friggin helpful." Ana said sarcastically and walked away.

She went up to Hurley.

"Hey, what's going on? That random is just too… random."

"Dude, Aaron is missing. A coupla guys are starting a search party… over there." He said and pointed towards the edge of the jungle. Ana, always wanting a bit of the action, went over to them.

Jack and Sayid were taking charge, Locke was looking on wisely, and Charlie was getting very stressed out.

"Look, we need to make a plan -

"No, we need to bloody go out there and find him! Not wait around for him to get eaten or something -

"Charlie, he's not going to get eaten -

"You don't know! We need to leave, now."

Jack frowned, but gave in. "Okay. Lets go."

"Jack!" Ana called out. He looked at her.

"Can I help you?"

"I wanna come."

Jack rolled his eyes. "What about _Leslie_, Ana?"

Ana looked at the ground. She had almost forgotten about him. "I… I dunno…"

"JACK!" Charlie yelled to him.

"So?"

"I'm coming. Just one sec." Ana turned back to Hurley and asked him if he could tell Arzt she had gone to find Aaron, if he saw him. Hurley reluctantly agreed and Jack, Sayid, Charlie, Locke, and Ana set off into the jungle.


	21. Chapter 21

It was still raining. Claire was still shaky, not knowing what happened to her baby. Kate tried to console her.

"Claire, sweetie? It's gonna be ok." she said

"Why do people keep saying that! No one knows that for sure. My child is not ok! Someone took him. It was one of us, I just know it!" Claire screamed.

"You think it was one of us? But who would do such a thing? Everyone loves Aaron."

"I don't know. But someone did it"

Kate thought and thought. Who would do such a thing? And one of them at that! Then it finally hit her. **LESLIE ARZT!**. He did it, he wanted to get Claire back for hurting him. The rain had stopped suddenly.

"Um, Claire? I'm gonna go get some fruit do you want some?" She asked.

"No, thanks. I just want to sit here quietly for a while."

"Ok, well I'll see ya later." And with that she ran. She ran to catch the group and tell them that it was Arzt who took Aaron.

--------------------------

Meanwhile, the group was regretting Ana coming along. All she kept doing was talking about Arzt.

"Please will you SHUT UP!" Charlie yelled! "I am so sick of hearing about him!"

Ana stopped walking. "Excuse me? Listen, druggy. Don't talk about my little teddy bear like that!"

"Little?" Jack chuckled. "What are you blind? He's nowhere near _little_."

The whole group laughed, even Locke. Well, everyone except Ana.

"Look, Jack. Just cause you're jealous you will never get a chance to be with me doesn't mean you should get hostile. "

Jack looked at her like she was crazy, which she is.

"You think that I want you? PUH-LEEZE! Why would I want you when I have my beautiful Kate! She's 4815162342 BILLION times hotter and smarter than you."

All of a sudden, Kate appeared in front of them.

"What are you doing here, wench!" Ana said.

"Listen you whore, I'm just here to first tell you that you are one hell of a psycho if you think Jack wants you!"

Ana just rolled her eyes while Jack kissed her on her hand.

"And secondly, I'm here to tell you who took Aaron. It was Arzt."


	22. Chapter 22

Everyone stared at Kate in disbelief.

"What are you talking about, freak? Why the hell would my Leslie take a dumb BABY?" Ana yelled.

"Because he wanted revenge, dumbass! Don't you remember Claire giving you two the chopping of your lifetimes?" Kate yelled back.

"Yeah, but he wouldn't just take –

Kate cut her off with another snappy remark, and all the guys stepped back as Ana and Kate started yelling insults over each other. No one could really hear what they were yelling, but decided it would be best to just keep out of the way.

Jack and Sayid tried to make small talk, Locke started sharpening a knife or two and Charlie looked helplessly around at the scenery. He was staring up at the trees, singing something completely out of tune under his breath, when he noticed something odd. Charlie wrinkled up his eyes in confusion, trying to see what it was.

"Jack…" he said slowly as he realized what he was looking at. Jack immediately came over, glad of the distraction, as the conversation with Sayid was getting a little too kinky for his liking.

"What's up, Charlie?"

Charlie pointed up at the trees and Jack gasped. Sayid and Locke came over.

"What the hell is he doing up there?" Charlie said.

"I have no idea…" Sayid replied, his eyes still in the tree. Jack cautiously went over to Kate and Ana, still arguing.

"Kate? Ana? Um… You might wanna…" They ignored him. "We… um… HEY!"

Kate and Ana turned and glared at him. "What!" They said at the same time.

"Look!" Jack pointed and they followed his gaze.

"LESLIE!" Ana shrieked, running to the base of the tree. "Leslie! What the hell are you doing up there!"

"Ana?" Arzt's muffled voice came from near the top of the tree. "Oh, Ana… no… what are you doing here?"

Ana looked puzzled. "What? What do you mean, what am I doing here? I came to find you!"

"Well, just… go back, honey."

"What! Leslie, come down here this instant and explain yourself!"

"No. I don't –

"Oh god, this is stupid." Jack muttered. "Arzt! Where's Aaron!" he yelled up.

"Aaron? You mean the baby? He's up here."

"WHAT!" Everyone said at once.

"You don't mean… up there, as in… in the tree?" Charlie said.

"Well Iduh/I. Now, Ana, go back to the beach, I don't want you to see this."

"See what? Friggin come down, Arzt!" Ana yelled, her temper getting the better of her.

Meanwhile, Charlie was having a nervous breakdown. "Oh god, Aaron's in the tree… Claire is gonna kill me, oh my god…." He started crying into Locke's shoulder. Locke patted him sympathetically on the head.

Jack called everyone together into a huddle. "We need a plan. Arzt has obviously gone mental from being so much of a loser, and now he's holding Aaron hostage in a tree to get back at Claire. Who knows what he'll do, his deranged mind probably doesn't –

"Hey, he's not crazy!" Ana interrupted, but got ignored.

" – know what he's doing. Our main priority has to be getting Aaron out of that tree, and soon. So, here's the plan. Sayid, you and Kate will climb the tree on opposite sides to try and sneak up on Arzt. Locke, try and form some kind of netting we can hold at the bottom if Aaron falls. Sound good?"

'Wait, there's no way Arzt won't notice them climbing up. This is never gonna work!" Charlie wailed.

"Ah, that's where you come in, Charlie." Jack continued. "You are going to play a lullaby on your guitar and sing Arzt to sleep, so he won't notice Kate and Sayid. That's also why we need the net, which I'm sure Locke can make easily enough; in case Aaron falls when Arzt is asleep. Okay?"

Everyone nodded, except Ana.

"Wait, stuff Aaron, what if Leslie falls out of the tree?"

Everyone looked at Jack, who shrugged. "I dunno. He probably won't… actually, thinking about it, he probably will. But that's not my problem. Everybody, get to work!"

Everyone moved off to prepare for OSAFA (Operation Save Aaron From Arzt), except Ana, who was worried about Arzt, and hadn't been given a job anyway. She looked up at her darling Leslie, and then at the preparations for Jack's plan, and knew she had to do something. She had to warn Arzt.


	23. Chapter 23

"Um... you guys? I have to go… do... some... stuff. Gotta go." Ana said.

"Where are you going?" Jack asked, "We have to save Aaron from Mr. Tubsy."

"I... uh... well, actually, I... oh, um."

"Well? Where are you going?"

She tried to think, but it was hurting her brain because she doesn't think that often.

"I, um... have to go potty?" Ana said, unsure of herself, and sounding like a retard.

Jack just stared at her. How can _anyone_ be that stupid?

"Ana, have you been stealing any of my medication? You're acting crazier than usual."

Ana ignored the comment and ran. She had to save her man, even if he was a baby kidnapper. So she tried to think of a plan.

"Well, every plan needs a name, so I'm gonna name it **SLFSI**! **Save Leslie From Stupid Idiots**!" She felt so proud of herself. SHE COULD REMEMBER LETTERS!

"OK, now I've gotta think of a plan!"

**20 Minutes Later**

Ana finally realized that thinking wasn't going to work anymore, so she decided to get help. But from who? Everyone either hated her, or would refuse. But then she thought of Sawyer.

"If I can flirt with Sawyer, maybe show him a little leg (gross!), maybe he'll help me with my plan!"

So she set off to find some revealing clothes, and then to find Sawyer. She tried to think of someone who dressed half way decent. So she found a lady that was related to the random.

"What do you want?" The lady asked.

"Um, hi. I was just wonderin' if you had some nice clothes I could borrow for a while."

"For you? I don't think so!"

"But why?" She started crying. "Oh, why? I just wanna look pretty! Please... you're the only one who can help me!"

The lady thought and thought.

"What do I get out of it?" She asked

"Um, I promise never to shoot you out of nowhere, like Shannon."

"I can't beat that! I was more scared of you than the monster! But you're gonna need a lot more than some clothes to make _you_ look pretty."

So Ana got the clothes and went to change. She didn't even say "thank you." But she didn't care. Phase 1 of SLFSI was complete.


	24. Chapter 24

Sawyer was sitting outside his tent, reading A _Girl's Guide to Growing Up_ and generally enjoying the peace and quiet. He was just getting to the good bit of the book (with full color photographs) when a shrill calling of his name shook him back to reality. He looked up angrily, but before he could register who or what she was, Ana was next to him, pressed up against his side creepily.

"Crap, woman, what do you want?" he asked, almost in shock.

"Well…" Ana trailed a finger up Sawyer's chest softly. "I was wondering if you could help me with something…"

It was now Sawyer noticed what Ana-Lucia was wearing. He scrambled backwards in terror. A little black dress barely clothed her body, as after being through a plane crash, it wasn't in the best condition. A large rip went from above her left hip to the hem, flapping about in the slight breeze. One strap had no elastic left in it, and there was a huge stain on the right of her chest. Sawyer gulped, on the brink of tears.

Ana smiled in what she thought was a sexy way, and moved closer to Sawyer, who was frozen in fear. She leaned in towards him, obscene make-up smudged on her face crudely. Sawyer smelt faintly what he guessed was supposed to be perfume. Aaron smelt better, before there was time to change his makeshift diaper.

"I need you to help me make a plan, Sawyer. We can come to an agreement, you know, in the way of payment…" Ana said, straddling Sawyer's waist, or trying to, at least.

"Get… off… me…" Sawyer moaned, and Ana took it the wrong way.

"But we're gonna have to keep it quiet, you know, cos I have Leslie…" she whispered.

"Ugh!" Sawyer pushed her away and stood up, staring down at her wide-eyed. "What the hell are you talking about, psycho?"

"Come on, please, Sawyer… if you help me, I'm yours." She said, sliding a hand down her leg.

Sawyer gagged and turned away, leaning against a nearby tree for support.

"What… what do you want?" he asked shakily.

"Sawyer, I need you to help me make a plan. You may have heard about Leslie's current position. You may also have heard of what they are gonna do to get that stupid baby down. I can't let them do that, in case Leslie gets hurt. So I – we, need to make a plan to SAVE LESLIE!"

Sawyer smirked, momentarily forgetting about Ana's outfit. "Why in hell would I wanna help you and the nutcase?"

Ana stepped closer to him, pulling the other strap of the dress down her arm slightly.

"Oh god…" Sawyer put a hand to his head, trying to avoid fainting. Once again Ana took it the wrong way.

"I promise I'll come through if you help, anything you want."

"Okay… keep away… please…" he gasped.

Ana grinned and sat down on the ground. "Okay, lets get started. What do you propose we do?"

Sawyer swallowed and slowly sat down on the ground as far away from her as he could, and they got started.


	25. Chapter 25

Sawyer was scared of what Ana would do if he said no. He didn't want to see anymore than what he had saw, and he was kinda scared that he might get shot if he refused any longer. He didn't want to risk it.

"So what do we have to do?" Sawyer asked

"What? You expected _me _to think of the plan? I coulda did that myself" Ana said.

"Well, hey! Its your hubby, your problem. I'm just here because I don't wanna take the risk of NOT being here."

"You gotta do something! There gonna hurt my Leslie-weslie!" Ana started to cry. Sawyer laughed at her, but couldn't take the sight of her crying. It was too much for his eyes.

"OK, OK! If I tell you my plan, will you shut the hell up and go away!" He screamed.

"Ya, as long as you help me through it, deal?"

"Deal! OK, we all know that Arzt isn't, how can I say this, just skin and bones, right?"

"HEY! Watch it!" Ana screamed and cursed something in Spanish.

Sawyer continued, ignoring her completely. "We just have to say that there's some big delicious meal waitin' for him in the hatch! And he wont be able to resist!"

Ana stared at him for a while, not understanding. After Sawyer explained it 3 more times, she finally got it.

"But what about Jack and the rest of them? We gotta fix them up good for trying to hurt my sweetie pie!" She said.

"Oh, you and Arzt can think about that later."

"Ugh, your worthless! I'm _so_ not wastin my lovin' on you!"

"Oh how will I live?" Sawyer said sarcastically.

"I dunno. All I know is that I gotta go save Leslie!" And with that she left towards the jungle.


	26. Chapter 26

When Ana got to the scene of the Arzt incident, everything was almost ready for OSAFA. If she hadn't been totally against the plan, she would say that is was going pretty well. Charlie was strumming something from _The Wizard Of Oz_ on his guitar, and by the sound of the snoring in the tree, Arzt was asleep. Kate and Sayid had just begun slowly climbing the tree, and a large net was in place on the ground, held by Locke and Jack. Ana smirked, knowing that SLFSI was _so_ much better than their plan. She wandered up to the tree casually.

"Your plan," she said to Jack smugly. "Is never going to work."

Jack just glanced at her. "Yeah, sure."

"Um, don't you wanna know why?" Ana asked.

"No, not really. Could you please go away?" Jack said.

"No! I don't wanna! I wanna stay…" Ana whined, getting upset quickly. "I wanna tell you why your plan sucks! Ja-ack… just let me tell you!" she stomped her foot.

"Okay, okay. Tell me why my plan sucks, Ana." Jack said, rolling his eyes. Ana smiled.

"Because _I_ have my own plan." She said, obviously very proud of herself. "And I am going to save Leslie."

"Okay, cool. Now… go away?" Jack said, watching Kate climb the tree with interest.

"NO! I have to tell you HOW I'm going to save Leslie. It's really good."

Jack sighed. "Fine. Hurry up about it, though."

"Well. I am going to tell Leslie that in the hatch, there is a big plate of his favourite meal, waiting just for him. That'll get him down, and we won't have to use your stupid plan."

"Right. Well, I have news for you, Ana. First of all, our plan has already started, as you can see."

Ana looked around, then remembered back to the start of the chapter when she thought their plan was going pretty well. "Dammit!" she yelled. "Well, that doesn't matter. He can still come down, even if your plan _is_ started already."

"Uh, no." Jack said. "You see, the first part of the plan is to make Arzt fall asleep. We've done that. If he's asleep, how is he supposed to hear you tell him there is a meal in the hatch?"

Ana's jaw dropped open. "OMG! How… you planned this!" she yelled at Jack. "JUST so MY plan wouldn't work! You scheming… little… doctor…"

Jack stared at her. "Uh, yeah. By the way, what the hell are you wearing?"

Ana screamed in frustration and stomped back to the beach.

"SAWYER!" She yelled as soon as she got there. A couple of randoms hid behind a rock as she approached. She strode over to Sawyer's tent, where he was sitting outside with his book on his face, trying to sleep. Ana stood right in front of him.

"Sawyer! The plan is CRAP! You suck at plans! Make up another one, now!"

Sawyer woke up and swore loudly, as the first thing he saw was Ana, still in that barely-there dress.

"What the hell do you want now! I helped you already, and –" Sawyer suddenly went as white as a sheet and jumped to his feet, holding his hands out in front of him defensively. "Oh no… I told you, I don't need payment, please, no…"

"Shut up and think!" Ana yelled.

"What!"

"Your. Plan. Doesn't. Work. I need a new one, and fast." She said firmly.

'Hold on, woman, you never said anything about _another_ plan… what the hell was wrong with the first one!"

Ana sighed loudly. "Look, here's the deal. Arzt is asleep. How am I supposed to tell him about the food in the hatch if he can't hear me?"

"Well, wake him up. Chuck something at him."

Ana stared at Sawyer in wonder. "You're a genius!" she cried, and wrapped her arms around his waist tightly. "Thank you so much, Sawyer!"

Sawyer didn't answer, but Ana hardly noticed. "Okay, now I have to save my Leslie!" she said happily, and let go of Sawyer. He promptly fell over, obviously having fainted at the slightest touch of Ana-Lucia. Ana once again didn't notice, instead running back into the jungle.


	27. Chapter 27

Ana was so excited! Why hadn't she though of this earlier? Well dumbaes don't really realize they're dumbaes. So she ran back to the OSAFA crew.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Jack asked, obviously disgusted.

"Don't worry about that!" Ana screeched. Jack just rolled his eyes.

"You're doing great, honey." Jack loved everything about Kate. How could some be so wonderful, and others could be like Ana. He shuddered at the thought. But before he could think another thought, he felt a rock graze his ear.

"Ow! What the hell!"

He turned around to see Ana throwing rocks at Arzt. She really sucked. She hit Jack, Kate, Charlie, and a tree before she got even close to hitting Arzt.

"Ahhh...!" Arzt yelled.

Kate jumped off the tree. Arzt, totally forgetting he had Aaron, raised his arm to his bruised head, DROPPING AARON! But luckily, Kate caught him.

"Leslie! Honey are you ok?"

"Well, it didn't hurt as much as a stick of dynamite would have!"

"Damn, why didn't I think about dynamite?"

Arzt climbed down, totally ignoring the OSAFA crew. Since none of them wanted to see the Arzt/Ana reunion, they left to return Aaron to Claire.

"What was that all about?" Arzt asked.

"Look, I'm sorry I hit you, but they were gonna kill you! I had to do what I had to do! But, lets forget about that and go eat the wonderful dinner I prepared for you!"

"Ok! That sounds great!"

"Oh, wait!" Ana said. "Um... If you hear any weird rumors about me and Sawyer, just ignore them"


	28. Chapter 28

The walk to the hatch was anything but quiet, considering Ana was there.

"You have no idea how _worried_ I was about you, sugarlump! I was _terrified_ you were going to fall, and I was the only one who even cared! All that those other freaks cared about was the dumb _baby_!"

Arzt nodded understandingly. "Well, that's life." He said. He hadn't actually been listening to Ana. The second she mentioned a meal in the hatch, everything else flew from his mind as quickly as he had fallen in love with Ana. Pretty quick.

Arzt's mind was filled with graphic images of food, and himself, and himself eating food. Delicious cakes and huge three course meals drifted past him, and all he could hear was food. And all he could see was food. And all he could taste was food. And all he could feel was food. And all he could smell was food. Man, life was good.

"The moment I saw you up there, it was like… like… like you were smaller than usual. Like you were far, far away… high, in the sky…"

Arzt blinked and looked at Ana for a moment. She had a faraway, thoughtful look on her face. He stared at her, and as he did, it was like her face… changed. With every second that passed, she looked less like Ana and more like… a hamburger. Arzt started to drool, and without thinking, he lurched forward and tried to grab the burger and put it in his mouth.

He knocked Ana to the ground, falling on top of her. She screamed and put her arms around him.

"Leslie! You naughty boy! Can't you wait till we get to the hatch?" She grinned.

Arzt stared at the hamburger. It had a point. If someone saw him eating it out here, they'd probably want some. And that would be bad. Because Arzt was hungry, and he had a bigger stomach than most people, so he needed it more.

He got off the hamburger and stood up. "You're right. Someone might see us. Let's go."

Ana shot Arzt a seductive look, then carried on without a word. Arzt followed her obediently, never taking his eyes off her.

They arrived at the hatch and Ana went in, expecting Arzt to just follow her. Luckily, he did. Ana lay down on the sofa, watching Arzt walk in. His eyes fell on her and he started drooling a little. Ana was slightly grossed out, but decided to take it as a type of compliment.

"Come here, Leslie,"

Arzt walked over to her in a daze. He leant over her and put his hands on either side of her face. Ana leaned up to meet his lips, but instead of the sweet kiss she had been expecting, Arzt's teeth connected with her lips instead. She screamed and leapt up, clutching her mouth.

"Arzt! You bit me!" She only called him that when she was pissed off at him. "What the hell is wrong with you!"

Ana obviously didn't mean this literally, because neither of them really wanted to stay in the hatch for the next week.

Arzt stood up and walked over to her. "Of course I bit you! How else do you eat burgers?"

Ana stared at Arzt in disbelief. "What!"

Instead of replying, Arzt stepped closer and tried to take another bite out of Ana's head. She screamed again and slapped him hard across the cheek. Arzt fell over. Wimp.

"What are you _doing_!" Ana yelled.

Arzt blinked, dots of light dancing before his eyes. He looked up, and saw Ana.

"Hey! Ana! What are you doing here? Did you eat my burger?"

"ARZT! There is. No. Burger! What are you talking about!"

"I thought… you… I was so hungry…"

Ana made a frustrated noise and stalked off into another room of the hatch, leaving Arzt on the ground. Alone. By himself. Hungry.


	29. Chapter 29

Arzt just stood there. How could...? Where did...? Why did she...? Arzt just stood there in disbelief.

"How did Ana turn into a burger? And more importantly, how come she never did it before?" Arzt was very puzzled.

Ana was in the bathroom crying.

"I can't believe this! This whole time I thought he loved _me_! But no, he's in love with a burger!" She whined and whined.

"I bet he wouldn't be able to live without his precious _burger_! INGRATE!" She yelled at him really loud, even though he was nowhere near her.

Arzt was in the pantry looking for burgers. But then, it hit him!

"What good is a burger, if you don't have some fries and a milkshake!" Arzt was very excited! This was going to be a very delicious meal!

"But wait! That clock's gonna go off soon. That means people. And people equals food thieves!" He became very angry just thinking about his super-duper mouth-watering burger, and his delicious fries and milkshake.

All of a sudden he screamed "YOU ARE NOT GOING TO STEAL MY FOOD!"

Ana heard this and was pissed (as usual)!

"WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU! THERE IS NO BURGER!" she yelled.

"That's where you're wrong! There might not be a burger now, but there will be! And you can't have any!"

Instead of just walking up to each other, both insisted on screaming.

"I don't want your damn burger!"

"Yes you do! Don't deny your feelings!"

Ana couldn't take it anymore. She just screamed... _loud._

Arzt screamed back. So there were two idiots... screaming... together.


	30. Chapter 30

Ana sat on the floor in the bathroom, sobbing. This was their second big fight, ever. What was happening to their fairytale love? Ana hated fighting with Arzt. Anyone else was fine, but with him… it was different. Everything was different with him.

She could hear Arzt banging around in the kitchen, singing loudly. She heard some more banging, and then a blender being switched on.

"My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and they're like, it's better than yours, damn right, it's better than yours…"

Arzt's horribly out of tune voice drifted through the bathroom door, and Ana screamed again in frustration.

"SHUT UP!" She screamed. Arzt didn't; if anything, he sang louder.

"…I can teach you, but I'd have to charge…"

Ana got up and stalked angrily to the door, threw it open and went out. She went over to the kitchen, where Arzt was singing into a wooden spoon.

"SHUT UP!" She yelled, but once again, he ignored her.

"La la-la la la, warm it up, La la-la la la, the boys are waiting,"

"NO BOYS LIKE YOU!" Ana screamed at him, just as Jack and Locke walked through the door. Arzt and Ana froze.

"Ah, that's where you're wrong, Ana." Locke said, a funny smile crossing his face.

Jack snorted. "Yeah, don't you mean no _one_ likes you?" he asked, then walked off into another room.

Locke glanced at Arzt. "I'll see _you_ later, Leslie." He winked, then followed Jack.

Arzt looked at Ana. "Um, nothing's… nothing's going on between me and him, I, uh, I don't know what he's talking about." He said, not meeting her eyes.

Ana stared at him incredulously, then screamed.

"SHUT UP!" Jack yelled from the other room, but Ana ignored him.

"This was supposed to be ROMANTIC, and HAPPY!" she yelled at Arzt. "You RUINED it! I spent the whole day rescuing you from that damn tree, and THIS is how you repay me! I HATE YOU!" She picked up a towel from the bench, and threw it at him. It hit him in the face, and he fell over, knocking his head on the bench as he fell. He didn't move.

"Arzt? Get up, you wimp. Arzt? Leslie?" Ana yelled at him for a moment, but when he didn't respond, she began to get worried. Ana crouched down beside him and shook his shoulder a little. "Hey! Stop being stupid! Leslie! Get UP!" Once again, he made no movement. She stood up and slowly stepped back.

"Oh my god…" she murmured. "I… _killed_ Leslie!" She stared at his motionless body for a moment, then screamed. Jack came in, stamping his feet in annoyance.

"Why don't you just shut _up_!" He started, then saw Arzt on the floor. "Holy _sht_…" he quickly went over. "What happened?" he demanded. Ana looked at him helplessly, tears starting to run down her cheeks.

"I… I didn't mean to… he just… fell over, and…" she let out a sob, and Jack turned back to Arzt, feeling for a pulse.

"Ana. Go back to the beach, as fast as you can, get Sun, and ask Sawyer to come with all the medicine he has. Oh, and you better get Kate too. I love her." Jack told her. She tried to move, but felt rooted to the spot, her eyes fixed on Arzt's face. His eyes were closed, just like if he were sleeping. "Ana!"

Ana jumped, and then turned without a word to the door. She fled into the jungle, running faster than ever back to the beach. Tears blinded her vision and branches ripped at the bare skin on her arms, but it was nothing compared to the pain in her heart at that moment. She knew that unless Jack could work a miracle, Arzt was gone. Forever. She had never loved anyone as much in her entire life, and now it was going to be ripped away from her.

She arrived at the beach, and hysterically told Sun, Sawyer, and Kate to get to the hatch, and soon enough, the four of them were there. Ana was still crying, unable to stop, but no one really told her to shut up. When they saw Arzt, they could, for once, understand Ana. Kate thought of Jack in his place, and understood. Sun though of Jin in his place, and understood. Sawyer thought of his alcohol in his place, and understood.

Eventually, though, Locke had to escort her outside. He left her sitting alone just outside the door, and went back inside. After a while, her tears ran out, and the last ones dried slowly on her cheeks in the sun. Despite the heat, she felt cold. So, so cold. Ana shivered and shook her head violently, trying to remove the image of Arzt on the ground from it. A long while passed, and the sky grew slightly darker. The air got colder, and the first drop of rain fell from the heavens, each one seemingly insignificant, but slowly creating puddles on the muddy ground Ana sat on. She didn't notice the rain. She was numb to all feeling, but the intense pain she felt all over. It was a different pain to the pain she had felt before. Physical pain, bruises and bleeding, she could deal with. This was a pain that went deep, into her heart, into her soul. It tore her irreparably in two, knowing the only man she'd ever truly loved could be dead, all because of her.

Ana's clothes were soaked, the water seeping through them to gnaw at her frozen skin. Her hair dripped over her shoulders and down her cheeks, following the paths so many tears had previously traveled.

She was numb.


	31. Chapter 31

She was so numb. She couldn't feel her body anymore. It's amazing what heartache can do. She couldn't do this anymore. She couldn't stay up anymore. Her body needed rest. It was time for baby to go night-night.

"Oh great, now I'm delirious." Ana thought. "Maybe just a quick nap." Ana fell over almost right away.

_Ana woke up, scared._

_"Where am I? WHERE AM I!" She screamed._

_Suddenly, a soothing voice came up behind her._

_"Honey, its ok! It's ok! You're at home." the voice said._

_"Who is this? Where are you? What's going on!"_

_"You were just dreaming. You're at home. The funeral must have worn you out."_

_"What funeral? Who died? Was it me?" Ana was terrified._

_"Oh my god! It was me! I'm dead! I'm dead! I can't believe this! What did I do to deserve this?"_

_Ana ran around her house screaming. She knew she couldn't be dead. And the only way to prove it was... was…? Ana thought heavily._

_"I know! I'll run into the wall! If I were dead, I would NEVER do anything that stupid! I'll prove I'm alive! 3,2,1!"_

_"WAIT!" the voice screamed. "It wasn't your funeral. It was Leslie's. Don't you remember? You killed him with a towel."_

_"YOU LIAR! Leslie is not dead!"_

_"Yes. He is. I bet you wish you had been a burger now, don't you?" The voice couldn't help but laugh. "He must have been some kind of wimp to die from a towel!"_

_"SHUT UP! You don't know who you're talking to! I AM ANA LUCIA CORTEZ! And anyway, Leslie isn't dead! He's in the hatch and they're taking care of him!" Ana whined. _

_The voice had no clue what she was talking about._

_"What hatch?"_

_"The ISLAND hatch! Duh!"_

_"You are not on an island. You are at home in Los Angeles. GET A CLUE!"_

_Ana couldn't believe this was happening._

_"It's time for you to go to sleep." The voice said._

_"Wait! No! Please!" Ana begged._

_"Goodbye, Ana"_

_"WAIT NO! HOLD ON!"_

_And within 3 seconds..._

Locke came outside.

"You can come see him now, Ana."


	32. Chapter 32

Ana was almost afraid to go back into the hatch. Seeing Leslie's body, cold and lifeless… the thought itself was too much. She told Locke to go inside, she'd be there in a minute.

Ana's head was a mess. And not just the outside, for once. It had been pretty hard to concentrate before, when she was worried as hell about Arzt, but now she had the faint memory of her dream muddling everything up as well.

She stayed outside for a couple more minutes before wiping her eyes and going into the hatch. She slowly pushed open the door and walked down the small corridor.

The first thing she saw was Jack, and then Kate. Probably because the two of them were up against the wall she was walking past, doing… stuff.

"Hey!" she said. "What the hell are you doing? Leslie is DEAD! And you're doing… you're doing… that…"

Jack pulled away from Kate with great difficulty, or so it seemed.

"God, Ana! Can't you see I'm BUSY?" he said, exasperated.

"I don't care! Where's Leslie?" Ana yelled at Jack.

"Oh, somewhere over there…" Jack waved his arm vaguely behind him, but couldn't continue his sentence. This was because Kate, who had obviously gotten tired of waiting, had pulled him back down to do… stuff.

Ana screamed a little, but it didn't have the effect she had planned for. Probably 'cos she was still filled with grief from losing the love of her life, so she couldn't scream all that loud. She stomped away when Jack and Kate took no notice of her.

When she entered the lounge all she saw was Locke's back. Sawyer and Sun were standing with him, in a sort of huddle. It didn't seem right, though, because from Ana's point of view, they weren't making a complete circle. She decided to teach them how to huddle properly.

"Stop! You're doing it wrong! Let me show you…" she pushed them out of the way, only to see that the huddle _wasn't_ wrong. It _was_ a complete circle. That was because someone else was in the huddle.

"LESLIE!" Ana screamed and threw her arms around his neck. He stumbled backwards from the force, but it was all right; his stomach took most of the blow. "Oh my god! You're not dead, after all! How…"

"Dead? Why would I be dead? I'm not some kind of a wimp that dies from a _towel_…"

"But… you fell… and Jack was…" Ana pulled back and looked at him, puzzled.

"Come on, Rambina, we played a trick on ya'… that so hard to believe?" Sawyer said.

"A _what_? You…" Ana looked at Arzt. "So you were never dead?"

"Um, no. Not really. I was alright, but Jack thought it would be funny to make you all worried, and I think Locke wanted you out of the way, 'cos he took you outside pretty fast… anyway, I didn't think it was a very good idea, but it's best to listen to Jack. He is most always right. And me? I'm just a damn high school science teacher." Arzt explained.

Ana stared at him with her mouth open. Then, without a word, she pushed everyone out of the way again and went over to where Jack and Kate were doing… stuff.

She grabbed the back of Jack's shirt (which, to everyone's surprise, he was still wearing), and she pulled him away from Kate. Then she started yelling at him.

Jack stood in shock for a moment, rubbing the back of his neck. Where the hell did Kate go?

Kate was pretty much in shock as well, for a moment, and then she realised that Ana was insulting Jack. And Kate didn't like that. So she tackled Ana.

Ana was quite happy yelling, but was in shock when Kate's slim frame barrelled into hers, knocking them both to the ground.

Once she realised what had happened, she continued yelling, in Spanish, at Kate this time. Kate yelled back, but it wasn't in Spanish.

As soon as everyone else saw Kate and Ana on the ground, they ran to break it up. Well, everyone except Sawyer. They all knew how dirty those fights could get, but he didn't mind. Jack and Locke pulled Kate up, and Arzt helped Ana to her feet. Ana pulled out of his grip roughly and glared at everyone, then stormed out.

Arzt knew he should follow her, but didn't particularly want to be the one to feel Ana's wrath. He looked around for help, but Locke had started sharpening some knives, Sawyer had started drinking, Sun had gone to plant something, and Jack and Kate were doing… stuff. Arzt sighed, and headed for the door.


	33. Chapter 33

Arzt ran after Ana. It was just a joke; he didn't understand why she was so upset.

"Ana! Hold on! I can't run as fast as you!"

Ana ran even faster after. She didn't even want to see him. How could he play with her heart like that?

"You stay the hell away from me, Leslie!" She screamed. "I don't even want to look at you!"

"But, it was just a little joke! Just... wait..." Arzt could barely breathe. He had never jogged so fast in his life.

"Ana... I cant... I cant... Ana come back!" He wheezed. He couldn't talk anymore.

"Yeah right! Is this another joke?" Ana kept running. "NOT THIS TIME BUDDY!"

But no matter how hard she tried to ignore his pathetic cries, the more she became worried.

"LESLIE! I'm coming sweetie!" All she could do is look. She had no clue where she was.

"Leslie! I need to hear you so I can find you! SPEAK TO ME! Say something romantic!"

All of a sudden, eerie whispers came out of the darkness. It almost sounded like they were saying "He's ours now!"

Ana laughed. "That's not romantic, you silly goose!"

"It wasn't meant to be."

She was getting scared now. It almost sounded like the others.


	34. Chapter 34

Being the independent woman that she was, Ana decided to go after Arzt all by herself. She followed whichever path her heart told her to, sprinting blindly towards what she hoped was the man she loved. Unfortunately, she got lost immediately. As much as she hated to turn back, she tried in vain to retrace her steps, only ending up deeper in the jungle. Determined to keep going, Ana pushed on, through the trees, looking for any sign of life. She obliviously pushed some foliage out of the way, and came upon a small clearing, but it was already occupied.

"Oh, _sht_!" Ana blurted out, covering her face with her hands. Because this clearing was occupied by Jack and Kate, and while covering your eyes when you see them is a silly thing to do, it was polite in this situation. Kate looked like she was in total shock, and Jack began cursing obscenely before getting off the ground. Ana turned her back to them out of respect while they pulled some clothes back on, biting her lip.

"What the hell are you guys doing out here?" Ana demanded, still not turning around.

"I woulda thought that was obvious, _Ana_." Kate spat back, clearly very annoyed by the interruption.

Ana began to turn around to yell at her, a snappy comment already halfway out her mouth, but then she remembered why she was facing the other way in the first place and spun back around.

"I mean what are you doing this far away from everything, _Kate_. I've been searching for the camp for _ages_, because -- Oh god, Leslie!" Ana suddenly remembered how The Others had taken Arzt, and panic flooded over her. She turned around without thinking, and ignored Kate's screams of protest as she flung her arms over her bare chest protectively. Ana walked up to Jack (who was wearing only his jeans), and quickly explained the whole thing to him. Jack considered it, and decided that even though no one liked Arzt much, he was the hero and needed to save everyone. Even the damn high school science teachers.

So he would gather together a search party, and they'd leave as soon as possible.

"Thank you!" Ana said happily and threw her arms around Jack's neck. Kate immediately pushed her off angrily, forgetting about her topless body. Jack turned to Kate and apologised for having to leave her again, and said they'd continue what they were doing later.

Kate protested against staying behind, and her and Jack were soon deep into one of their famous 'You're-not-coming-into-the-jungle-yes-I-am' arguments. Ana shook her head; glad her and Arzt never had these kinds of disagreements. He never _wanted_ to go into the jungle.

She yelled over their voices for a while until they paid attention to her.

"We need to go back. Where is camp? Or the hatch? I have no idea where we are." She stated. Jack and Kate stared at her.

"The hatch is like, right there." Kate said pointing to her right. Ana turned to look, and it was true, the hatch _was_ right there!

Ana grinned. "Great! Let's do this search party thing, then. Wait… you guys know you were like, doing, uh, stuff… right where people could come out and see you, right?"

Jack shrugged. "We were desperate. At least, until _you_ killed the mood, mood-killer."

"Yeah," Kate joined in, then realised her and Jack hadn't finished their argument. She turned back to him. "I _am_ coming."

"No, you're not."

"Yes, I am. You can't stop me."

"Yes I can. I'm older than you."

Ana scowled as they continued on, and she went over to the hatch and went in. Jack and Kate followed her, still yelling.

-oOo-

Half an hour later, they had two search parties. Ana, Jack, Kate (she had finally persuaded Jack to let her come), Sayid, Locke, and Sawyer were going to go one way, and a bunch of randoms the other. No one expected the randoms to even come back alive, let alone find Arzt. And no one said it was stupid for all the good trackers to go together, 'cos no one wanted to disagree with Jack. The two groups set off in opposite directions. Ana's group had been walking for a couple of minutes, before they heard the unmistakeable sound of the monster, followed by ear-piercing screams. They looked at each other nervously, all knowing what had happened.

"Look on the bright side, at least it was just _randoms_," Kate said.

"Yeah, no one's gonna miss _their _flashbacks," Sayid agreed.

"And we get more boar now!" Locke exclaimed. "Though I will miss Steve… he had nice hair… soft…"

All that got him was strange looks, and everyone stepping slightly away from the older man.

"Okay…" Jack started cautiously. "We should… keep going…"

Everyone quickly agreed, and they kept going, looking for any sign of Arzt.

"Hey, since the others, uh… since they can't really look for him any more, shouldn't we split up…" Ana said. "We would have more chance of finding Leslie."

"We're not splitting up, mood-killer." Jack said, quickly becoming fond of his new nickname for her.

Ana scowled, but shut up. They'd find Leslie quicker if she co-operated, even if she didn't really like to. Leslie was the priority here, and she would do anything to find him.


End file.
